Archive for May, 2008

30
May
08

Porn for single women

By shawnster Leave a Comment
Categories: Shawn
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Saw Sex and the City last night. Same theatre as the Iron Man preview but a far different audience. For one, there were no comic book guys there. Well, except for me. The couple I sat next to got their tickets to the premiere when they bought a new Mercedes Benz (product placement is big in the movie). I brought my friend Gina, who loves the show and was thrilled to bits to be there. Seemed like most of the predominantly female audience was thrilled–many had dressed up for the occasion. Again, I can’t really say that about the audience for Iron Man.

As for the movie–well, with its fetishistic lingering over the clothes and even the boxes with designers’ names, plus the way it hit on every romantic comedy cliche, it was pure porn for single women. I can get behind that, though. What I didn’t like were the sappier scenes. When director/writer Michael Patrick King took a scene that looked like it was going in a typical romantic comedy direction and gave it the Sex and the City twist, the movie worked, but quite a few scenes lacked that zing. Also, Jennifer Hudson as Carrie’s assistant was purely awful. To be fair, it’s an underwritten, unfunny role.

Anyway, the general consensus, talking to people after the movie, was that it was fun and entertaining, but no one was blown away. Oh, and that there wasn’t enough sex. And yes, I was a fan of the show–as I remarked to someone before the movie, it got me through three relationships. Another fan I talked to after the movie said she that her boyfriend didn’t watch the show, and she’s relieved about that, because it reveals too much of what really goes on in women’s heads. I don’t know how true that is, but that was one reason I watched. That, and the outfits, of course.

28
May
08

David Deida Weekend Intensive Pt. 3

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May 25, Sunday: Began again this morning with two hours of separate exercises for men and women. The guys got “Rock and Roll” by Led Zeppelin to pump us up at the start and they got some Joni Mitchell (which I heard later as it wafted through the wall separating our groups). After having us jump and run in place and doing some yoga poses, Deida’s two assistants K-Don and Eli took any questions the men might have. There was a moment of tension as the question period went long and one guy spoke up with, “You know, you’ve been saying we were going to wrap this up ‘in a couple of minutes’ a few times and now I don’t believe anything you say.” This got us back to doing exercises. I believe I’m not at liberty to go into too much detail as to what these were, but let’s just say it had to do with eye contact and locating energy in a partner, and made me extremely uncomfortable. Which I suppose was the point.

My friend the sex educator, whom you may recall from previous blog entries, also came for the weekend, to work in a volunteer capacity. She was allowed to take part, however, and so I found out from her that the women’s exercices were much more physically strenuous and endurance testing. That explains the Joni Mitchell.

During the lunch break, I chatted with one of the women I’d done an exercise with the afternoon before. Talking to a stranger with whom I’d shared a pretty intimate moment–she repeating “I’d follow you anywhere,” me saying “You’re beautiful”, in close proximity–was, well, weird. So we talked about our cats.

Back in the conference room after lunch, we were treated to the man himself, David Deida, taking some questions from the audience/participants. Once again the session was hijacked by couples wanting Deida to solve their problems while we singles twiddled our thumbs. It didn’t help thinking back to something Eli, one of the assistants, had said during the men’s Q-and-A that morning, about listening even when the question didn’t seem pertinent because you never know when you’re going to hear some gem of wisdom.

My energy was serious flagging by the mid-afternoon break, but when we returned to the conference room things got interesting again. We were separated into two separate groups, men in the chairs on the right, women on the left. Deida asked for volunteers from the audience to help demonstate what men find attractive in women. Suddenly there was a rush towards the stage, so much so that a few of the women wouldn’t fit. One even fell off. We spent the next couple of hours, men and women, with Deida as monitor, zeroing in on what it is men look for when it comes to women we’d like to have sex with for one night and those we would like to find enlightenment with for 20 years on a desert island. Two came in with an almost equal number of votes in the first and three for the second. One woman was even selected for both.

The sex educator was shattered when told of what she’d missed. Sick with a cold, she’d decided to sit this session out, not knowing what we’d be doing, and was sorely pissed when she found out. I told her I could easily imagine her making a beeline for the stage and getting in on the competition, and I figured she would easily have won one of the “competitions”, for lack of a better term. Although she was disappointed when I told her which I thought she would have taken. “I already know I’m [expletive deleted],” she pouted. “Three guys came up to me after and asked why I wasn’t up there!” She added, “I want to win the enlightenment one, 20 years on a desert island! Why can’t I win that one?” 

27
May
08

Scottsdale and Just a Wee Bit of Rain

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Categories: Lena
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It’s the first Memorial Day in hmmm like 5 years I haven’t been in Hermosa Beach.

I suppose I knew last year that I wouldn’t be back on the Strand again in ‘08. After a certain point, the allure of hundreds of college girls in bikinis and red-white-blue patriotic soccer shinguards begins to pale. Okay, I lie–it never does. But by noon, when they start puking and peeing on stop signs and getting in cheesy fist fights in the bars, pretty much everyone over the age of 25 is like ehhh… over it. Nonetheless you stick around till midnight, because people will not let you leave. Seriously, you try, and they grab you and steer you back into a bar. It’s brutal.

Last year I did the Memorial Day on the Strand thing, and ended up making out w/two randoms–one guy who owns some gyms and swears he doesn’t do steroids (yeh I asked), but everyone thinks he’s lying… and the second, 8 hours later, a Brazilian jiu jitsu instructor named oh I have no idea does it really matter? He was cute, that’s all. 

Oh, and I believe my friend Nadia saved a lovely young lady from drowning in a public toilet at Dragon on the Hermosa Pier. Straight-up heroic she is.

Anyway the day was off the hook, but BJJ instructors, bathroom heroics and all, I kind of felt I’d reached the end of the road with the Memorial Day Hermosa mayhem.

So this year I wound up in Scottsdale with a girlfriend whose husband is in London at grad school for a year. She tells me that some of her girlfriends get all judgmental about Hubby being overseas. I’m a good antidote for that b/c I am the last person to judge. How could I? The closest thing I have to a relationship is some guy I see weekly when he’s not too angst-y for human contact (yes I do have one, but am not going to write about it–it is simply too dull for a self-respecting singles’ blog) and who would probably go to Mars for the duration of the millennium if he thought it would help his career. And I would fully support him in it.

Anyway. Back to the matter at hand, which is Scottsdale. I thought it would be 100 degrees & was totally ready to get a sweet tan (YES I KNOW this is an unhealthy outlook, but it’s MY HOLIDAY, I’ll do what I want!). Sadly, however, the city was hit by the same cold snap as everywhere else in our southernly, westerly region. I heard it was snowing in Flagstaff. The desert regions were chilly with a chance of rain. And I don’t even want to know what all those collegiate chickie-poos in Hermosa did on Saturday morning. Rollerblades, red-white-blue shin guards and giant overcoats (or bathrobes) just don’t have the same effect as eenie-weenie bikinis.

I guess I’ll never know. I can tell you, however, that I got a nice hike in, and spa’d it up like a queen bee in the Fairmont Scottsdale, and that Michael Mina steaks are marinated in *butter*, which is delightful… and, hm, that in not-entirely-unrelated news, I am quite fat right now. And as always, totally in love with the desert. It calms me in a way the beach never will. 

25
May
08

David Deida Weekend Intensive pt.2

By shawnster 1 Comment
Categories: Shawn

Day 2, May 24: I hadn’t realized contact lenses would be such an issue. During the morning exercises, when we separated into groups of men and women, one of the dudes I was matched with suggested I take off my glasses. We’re doing a lot of gazing and the spectacles get in the way. So for the rest of the day I tried wearing my contacts, but the air is so dry in the conference room I was blinking like a fool while gazing into the souls of the two women with whom I did exercises.

These exercises, for those of you as unfamiliar with tantra as I am, are basically designed to open you up with a complete stranger–to learn to be intimate with someone you’ve just met. The exercises are built in stages, so that by the end of them you could be shouting, crying, or, as was the case here, telling someone you wanted to, er, have your way with them.

That was how the day ended, around 10:30 p.m., with Deida instructing us on amping up the (non-physical) communication. The day began with, as mentioned, men’s and women’s exercises led by Deida’s assistants, followed by a lunch break, then a question-and-answer period with the man himself. I’ve noticed a distressing pattern–the couples seem to have taken over these periods, with women in relationships (sometimes with their male partner, sometimes not) asking most of the questions, nearly all of which are about expanding intimacy with their guy. Meanwhile us singletons are left out in the cold. Except for, in the evening, one dude asking about taking the afternoon’s exercise out in the real world. Deida had five men from the audience come up onstage while the women were asked who they would trust the most. He then gave the guys tips on standing so that their purpose in life was reflected in their stance.

One complaint I’ve heard from a few of the folks in attendance, particularly those who have attended other workshops (especially those held by Satyen in Langley, B.C.) is that there are too many rules (the workshop is being run like a bootcamp, with no talking allowed and locked doors at a certain time) and that Deida is inaccessible–he arrives from a side door in the conference room, accompanied by one of his male assistants. Otherwise though everyone seems satisfied with the direction he is taking us in. We’ll see what happens today, our last in Bellevue, WA.

24
May
08

Ecstatic Intimacy Weekend Intensive pt. 1

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Categories: Shawn

Ecstatic Intimacy Workshop with David Deida, Day 1: May 23

“You’re taller,” someone in the audience yelled out when David Deida first walked out onstage last night at the opening address of this weekend’s Ecstatic Intimacy weekend intensive. Indeed, the spiritual teacher (or “transmitter” as he apparently prefers to call his role) is taller than you might think from his clips on Youtube. 6′2″, perhaps, and dressed in a loose-fitting black suit, Deida–author of the book The Way of the Superior Man and Enlightened Sex among others–used his body and his hands as much as his words to communicate his ideas. The effect was mesmerizing even when his message grew repetitive. But this was more due to the fact that he’s presenting his ideas in a variety of ways in the hopes that one or more will stick. On opening night he touched on the basics; the masculine/feminine polarization, the three stages of development (for both men and women), tantric sex (which led to my favourite line of the evening–something about the necessity of practice, just like music scales, and how if you’re content with “Chopsticks” fine but these practices will let you play Rachmaninoff, sex-wise). After a break, he took questions from the spiritual seekers–about 140 strong, a more or less equal mix of men and women. Most of the questions seemed to be from women in couples seeking to make their relationships stronger and more intimate. In his answers, Deida kept coming back to the masculine/feminine polarization thing, though I must confess I’m more interested in the tantric sex stuff. Does this make me a shallow spiritual seeker? This morning we’ll be doing breathing exercises with his assistants… I must now prepare to be transformed.

19
May
08

Project Wingman Pt. 2

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Date: Thursday, May 15

Name: Roseanna

Age: n/a

Occupation: Magician’s assisant

Assignment: the second night of the annual New Music West music festival in Vancouver, including a schmooze and several bands at various venues, including a jazzy hangout and blues bar

Assessment: Roseanna was thrown into the whole wingman thing last minute, that very afternoon in fact, and carried it off with much aplomb. At the schmooze, she mingled easily. When we first arrived I suggested we each pick one person in the room for the other to talk to. She didn’t hesitate when I pointed to a bearded dude, who turned out to be a musician in a visiting Utah band called Good Morning Maxfield. As a result, we went to see them play at the Yale, a downtown blues bar, where we ran into Lillian, whom I know from seeing around at music shows all the time. The three of us set out for the Libra Room on Commercial Drive, the city’s organic foods/drum circle neighbourhood. There we saw an amazing Icelandic pop band, Sprengjuhollin. The keyboardist was hysterically funny explaining song lyrics between numbers: “This one’s about hockey and maple syrup,” he pretended, baldly pandering to us Canadians. After their blistering, Icelandic version of “Heatwave” I told Roseanna to go up onstage and talk to them so I could get a shot for my blog. She did so without hesitation. Bonus points for keeping up drink-wise, talking about flashing her friends at her birthday party last week, and admitting, a propos of nothing, ”Weed makes me horny.” 9/10

Date: Saturday May 17

Name: Jessica H.

Age: n/a

Occupation: student (feminist studies)

Assignment: a strip club; a local music hub

Assessment: For someone who was recruited stealthily, and in fact probably doesn’t even know she was recruited, Jessica acquited herself rather well. I met her at a show by British indie-rock act Clinic and invited her out to join in the New Music West festivities with Lillian and I. Following an abortive attempt–it was absolutely dead at 10:30 p.m.–to check out the Penthouse, a local strip club given over to NMW bands for the weekend, we lost Lillian. Nevertheless, Jessica was up for continuing the adventure, despite my obvious lack of a plan. At the Railway Club, a local music hub, she seemed comfortable being left on her own to watch the bands while I talked to semi-important music industry folk I knew. Also, the idea of feminist studies never fails to intrigue me, so conversation between bands was interesting. Bonus points for having songs by my all-time favourite band on her iPod, for offering me gas money for the ride home, and for bopping her head, very un-Vancouver-like, to the music for each band. 8/10

18
May
08

Going to Club Med. Porque no?

By lenatic 2 Comments
Categories: Lena
Tags: , , , ,

As anyone who’s ever Googled me knows, I’ve done a lot of writing about all-inclusive resorts–particularly the adult variety–in my day. I know my Desire from my Hedonism from my Couples from my Sandals. (Gosh, that sentence is bizarre if you don’t know the context.)

Anyway. These companies constantly contact me to write about them–and I often do. They also invite me to visit–which I very rarely do, for a few reasons.

First, the clothing-optional ones are completely out-of-bounds because I’m very choosy about whom I wish to see naked. Call me shallow if you must, but I don’t consider the average nude stranger to be sexy, or spiritually liberated, or inspirational. I find them unnerving. The sunburn, the bulge, the swinging bits…no thank you.

Second, you’ve gotta be pretty darn comfortable with your significant other to drag ‘em to an adult/ nude / swingers resort for a week. And the last time I was that comfortable was with my ex-fiance, who completely agreed with me on Point #1, above.

Third, I always think that places with a “clothing optional” or “anything goes” policy don’t really mean it. What they really mean is, “Get naked immediately, get involved in stupid drunk hijinks along with the rest of us, and do stuff you’d never normally be comfortable with–because you’re on vacation and them’s the rules.”

I know Hedonism is like this, and I think others are. Couples is, of course, very twosome-ey and lovey-dovey, and would probably not want me to dress in a toga and have sex with a stranger in the hot tub… but Couples is Honeymooner Central, and what the hell am I supposed to do with that?

Anyway, the point of this whole blog is that finally after 9 years, I’m going to an all-inclusive party resort–and not just any one, but the one that started it all: Club Med. Cancun, baby!!

There is actually more method than madness in my decision: See, Club Med claims it’s changed its stripes, and I want to see it. Back in the day, this was the uber-uber of crazy adult resorts. It was Ground Zero for a million regrettable Spring Break moments. But in the last 10 years–particularly as it’s spread so far throughout the world and spawned so many competitors–it’s tried to diversify beyond the crazy-singles-party scene. About five years ago, Club Med even hired a friend of mine who specializes in reinventing giant companies to be more female-friendly. She basically rewrote their branding bible, tossing out Commandment #1 (Male Employees, Thou Shalt Tap as much Female Guest Ass as Possible) and replacing it with a way more PG set of rules. Obviously this wasn’t great for some of the male employees, but Club Med management loved it, and I from what I understand, guests loved it too. Vacation hookups are fun and all, but 90% of us want them to be spontaneous, not mandatory.

Fast-forward a few years, and Club Med has become a family vacation resort and a brand internationally known for its approachable, casual style. Some locations are more hedonistic than others, but overall, the place is far distancing itself from its formerly crazy image. It’s even started hosting self-help workshops and the like. Which is how I ended up being invited to go…my friend is a self-help speaker, and she invited me. Though I’m a little afraid of any inclusive Caribbean resort, especially ones I associate with Tara-dise or Girls Gone Wild, my curiosity wins out this round. I want to know what the place looks like. I want to see with my own eyes, these charming international employees bid adieu at the end of the night, and just go home rather than trying to beg, borrow or steal a soul kiss. Above all, I’m curious to see what sort of identity Club Med is creating for itself, since it left a fairly serviceable one behind when it wentoff the sexy rails.

Stay tuned…

13
May
08

Project Wingman pt. 1

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Categories: Shawn
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Date: Saturday, May 3

Name: Tim C.

Occupation: playwright

Age: 40something

Assignment: Dinner party, rock shows (2), burlesque festival after-party.

Assessment: Tim became the first participant in Project Wingman unknowingly, so I think of this as a test run. Old pals, we ran into each other at a dinner party and spent the rest of the night hanging out. Bonus points: he had a car, so I didn’t have to drive. He came out for the long haul–first to see a couple of bands he knew nothing about (Cryptacize and Kelley Stoltz, for those of you keeping track at home) and then really journeying into the unknown (the burlesque after-party). Strikes: his driving left a little to be desired (the car was a rental; I could tell he doesn’t drive much) and he seemed at a loss of what to do with himself at the after-party. Also, he’s a smoker. 6/10

Date: Tuesday, May 6

Name: Nancy L.

Occupation: journalist

Age: n/a

Assignment: A tasting of New Zealand wines at the Fairmont Waterfront in Vancouver, followed by a gala fashion show party for the organization Arts Umbrella at the fancy-pants department store Holt Renfrew, capped by a rock show at the Plaza Club.

Assessment: Nancy is always an enthusiastic party-goer, especially where wine is involved. She talks to everyone at wine-tastings to suss out the best stuff, making her an invaluable companion. She was also raring to go to the Holt thing, and more than amenable to see hip-hop/pop act Northern State at the Plaza Club. However, she wanted to leave the gala early when she ran into a co-worker she did not want to see, and didn’t want to stick it out for all of Northern State’s set. Not that I blame her–the room was dead.  7.5/10

Date: Friday, May 9

Name: Nicole W.

Occupation: scientist

Age 28

Assignment: art opening; weird party; smelly punk show; slightly more civilized punk show.

Assessment: An unknown quantity met less than a week previous, Nicole proved to be a game lass as we made the rounds. She was interested in the art at the opening, and seemed slightly curious about the weird party (long story short: it was full of ex-pats from my old hometown). The funky odor of the NOFX show got to her, I think, as did the preponderence of testosterone in the air, but she enjoyed the dance-punk of another band at a far divier locale. However, she didn’t know many people so I felt duty bound to stay close by her side most of the night. Indeed, at times it felt almost like, whuddya call ‘em, a date–not necessarily a bad thing. And she matched me drink for drink. 7/10 

Date: Saturday May 10

Name: John W.

Occupation: librarian

Age: 40ish

Assignment: Detroit rock ‘n’ roll band the Dirtbombs, quiet bar

Assessment: Having known John for aeons, I’m well aware of his advantages and shortcomings as a wingman. On the plus side, he’s very independent and can talk to anyone about a seemingly endless array of subjects. On the downside, he’s not the greatest when it comes to meeting girls. Also, does not have his own car, so I often end up driving out of my way to get him home. On this night, he enjoyed the Dirtbombs, and it was easy enough to convince him to go for a couple of beers at one of my fave hangs, Six Acres. But when I struck up a conversation with the two ladies at the table next to ours, he clammed up. 7/10

12
May
08

Bounty Boy, SingleTease–Upping the Effort Ante

By lenatic 2 Comments
Categories: Lena
Tags: , , , , , ,

People are getting so creative with their SO searches these days, it’s beginning to make me feel positively lax. Obviously there’s online dating, speed dating, matchmakers, profile doctors, dating coaches, seminars, singles’ mixers and all that good ol’ stuff. Then you have bachelor auctions, “concierge” services w/female company included, and all the other quasi-fun, quasi-creepy borderline pimp services. And then there are the few but ever-increasing folks who take dating search to entrepreneurial new levels.

First, there’s homeboy who got in the Onion and on a daytime talk show for starting a grass-roots email campaign to find himself a girlfriend. I call him Bounty Boy. Different from your average garden-variety spammer, he actually is offering $600 to the person who sets him up with Mrs. Bounty. Well, wait, I guess regular spammers promise such things as well, but a friend-of-a-friend actually knows this guy, so I’m assuming he’s a real person, not a fake name attached to an auto-email system somewhere in India.

Anyway my questions for Bounty Boy are as follows:
1. Why the Onion?
2. If your email gets passed along four times before someone finally hooks you up with the girl, do all four of the people in the chain have to split the $600?
3. Do you want a girlfriend, or do you actually just want to be on TV? (Being that this originated in LA, it’s okay to admit to a bit of both.)

Then, next up, we have my lovely lady of SingleTease. I have no idea what her name is, but I saw her speak at a small business conference, and I was tickled. She’s started a clothing line (SingleTease…duh) with logos that advertise the wearer’s single status. Messages include SINGLE, ASK ME OUT, SAY HELLO and LOOKING FOR GOOD PICKUP LINES.

To me, these messages are okay, but not as bold as they could be. I brought up the whole idea to an editor, and we had a field day coming up with SingleTeasers: MY EVIL TWIN THINKS YOU’RE HOT, TO TAP OR NOT TO TAP IT (THAT IS THE QUESTION), or the simple but effective DO ME. Truthfully though I’m not sure I have the cojones to wear any of the above–I’m not really much of one for advertising stuff on my chest. The only logo tee I own has Strawberry Shortcake on the front. (Yes, it’s my size. Barely.)

Nonetheless, I’ll probably have no choice in rocking the SingleTease look in broad daylight, b/c I stupidly, over-enthusiastically volunteered to do so for the local paper. And as for Bounty Boy…well, he probably has a Ms. Bounty already plus 15 backups waiting in the wings. You can get a lot for $600 in LA these days.

06
May
08

Requiem for a wingman

By shawnster Leave a Comment
Categories: Shawn
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Another one has fallen.

It is my sad duty to report the loss of another wingman in the line of duty. Wingman # 2, or Wingy as he was affectionately known on these blogs, can now take his rightful place in the Wingman Hall of Fame alongside Wingman #1, aka Former Wingman. Many hear the call but few are chosen. These were men among men; Wingmen among Wingmen. They served with loyalty and bravery in the frontlines of the Vancouver singles scene, but ultimately could not face one more cocktail party at the Opus Hotel bar. I can’t say that I blame them.

But it’s dog-eat-dog and survival of the single-est out here in La-La-Land North, and this party boy is not giving up. Not that I have much of a choice if I’m going to keep this blog going. And so I am calling on all potential wing-folk in the Lower Mainland to send their CVs to me care of this blog. Yes, I’m also opening up the competition to women. It might be time to try something different.

The successful applicant will be well-groomed and have a good sense of humour, as he or she will be socializing with bon vivants, publicists, real estate agents and other society ilk as we journey from gallery opening to restaurant opening to indie-rock show to charity event. Be prepared to balance a plate of appetizers in one hand and a glass of wine in the other while maintaining a conversation about what other parties you’ve been to recently. Loyalty, and being available to maintain a tireless stream of jabber at at least three events per week is a must.

Benefits include invitations to many of Vancouver’s most happening events, swag, and the chance to catch a sighting of various local news anchors. As well, you are likely to meet the mate of your dreams while I stand on the sidelines, cheering you on and reaching for another glass of champagne.

On the downside, you may occasionally be called into action when you don’t really feel like coming out. Some of the people you will meet are journalists. I might start talking about comic books or my favourite bands.

In the coming weeks I’ll be posting the results of my search. I will be digging into the recesses of my virtual address book and trying various applicants out at events such as a Holt Renfrew party, a performance by New York rockers Northern State, and a tasting of New Zealand wines. So stay tuned.

In the famous last words of Wingy: ”Go on without me, man. It’s your only chance. Oh, and do you need Anne Murray tickets?”  

God be with you, my friend.

(Note: all photos from the Third Annual Vancouver Burlesque Festival after-party Saturday, May 3. This is the type of thing YOU could be attending!)

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